A client came to meet with me this past spring—a senior in high school almost ready to graduate. His stress level was high—there was end-of-year stress, and end of high school stress about everything that was to come in the future.

I was there once (back in the late 80s…but still!) and I got it.

I still get it.

It’s a LOT.

And other people don’t make it any easier. Everyone always asking, “What are you gonna to do next?” and “Where are you going to college?!” and “WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE?!?”

I had an uncle who used to ask me that all the time when I was in high school and I loved him dearly but it STRESSED. ME. OUT. I just wanted to talk about what fun stuff I was going to do the summer after I graduated.

When my client and I talked about his future, he said that people had been asking him that, too, and friends at school all seemed to know what they want to do with their futures, and he had an idea of a path he might like to explore, but what if (and here’s the part that pinched my heart) he went to college and “wasted money” because he didn’t know for sure yet if that was the right path for him?

I felt like I was going to come out of my skin for him, because this is the impression he has from the world at his age: you have to have it ALL figured out right now—and if you don’t (sucker), well, good luck.

I felt it when I went to college decades ago. The university wanted me to declare my major at the end of my freshman year, and I wasn’t even 19 yet and still had no idea what I wanted to do. And obviously now, many applicants must declare before they even get there, choosing a path of study when they’re applying to colleges and universities as seniors in high school.

Why do we make our young people feel this way when all of life is an EXPLORATION?

I’ve never gotten it, and I still don’t.

It’s absolutely fantastic if you’re 17 or 18 and you know what you want to do with the rest of your life. That’s FABULOUS! You can travel your learning path of least resistance and get ‘er done. Great!

But most of us don’t. And most of us want to feel like it’s OKAY that we don’t, and that things are going to be just fine anyway.

• [Interesting stat: “Just 2% of adults are working the job their eighteen-year-old selves thought would be their career.” What Color is Your Parachute for Teens, “Reality Check”, p.4]

The positives are that many colleges and universities now look at “the whole person” when they’re reviewing admissions. There are dozens of test-optional schools now. In some applications, it’s okay to declare that you’re “Exploratory” when you submit and you don’t have to feel like you’re going to be tossed into the “over there” bucket or denied admission outright because you haven’t chosen a specific path of study. And truly, there really is a university, college, trade school or other training program for everyone if you want to move on in your learning after high school and you commit yourself to finding it.

But here’s what I wish.

I wish high school was part academic learning and the rest of it on-site career discovery shadowing for every single student out in their local communities, so they can see what it’s like to work out in the world and try jobs on for size.

I wish high school taught life skills from Day 1—What’s a budget? How do I open a bank account? How do I rent an apartment?—not only because every person needs that, but because not every person finishes high school. (Personal Finance is an elective at my kids’ school.)

I wish we let young people live without the pressure of, “Oh my god, what’s next? What’s NEXT?!” and taught them HOW to live in the future, while they’re young.

I wish we taught them that IT’S ALL AN EXPLORATION.

So, back to my client. We worked together to unpack his thoughts around why he thought he would waste his and his family’s money if he didn’t have it all figured out.

And then I posed this question.

“What if at the end of your first year, you figured out that that program wasn’t for you and you had to switch programs, but you learned some new things in your classes, you learned a lot about yourself, and maybe even figured out a new path you’d like to try? Would you consider that a waste of money?”

He smiled and said, “Not when you put it that way.”

Learning does cost money. No matter your life circumstances, someone somewhere is paying for your learning, and no one wants to waste that money—especially not if it’s YOU taking out student loans or working to pay your way through your own learning.

But my biggest wish is that you NEVER feel any of it is a waste.

It’s all about exploration. It’s just life!

It’s about learning who you are and what skills and talents you innately possess and what things light you up when you do them. It’s about your brain finishing developing (when you’re 26!) and you making new connections about yourself and your place in the world.

You’re not SUPPOSED to know all that when you’re 17 or 18 years old. You just AREN’T.

Everything’s gonna be alright, and you don’t have to have it all figured out right now.

I promise.